A little bit deeper

Everytime you think of her
everytime you mention her
it cuts a little bit deeper

everytime you speak her name
everytime i see your pain
it cuts a little bit deeper

Im so tired of fighting her
when she isn't even trying
I feel like i'm the loser

everytime you think of her
everytime you remember her
it cuts a little bit deeper

everytime you speak her name
everytime I feel your pain
it cuts a little deeper

Why do I have to fight for you
Why do I even try?
Why must I be the one to cry for you?
when she doesn't even fight?

I have given you everything
I have given you all that I am
But still you love her
still you want her
and I am left with this pain.

It hurts, it hurts so bad but I only let you see the sting
because I love you, I want whats best for you
but I can't let you go, when she will only cause you more pain

I am hurting, I feel weak, I can't keep this up forever
I don't want to share, I wish I was enough
Why is it impossible for you to forget her?

Death

Alone, alone, I feel so alone

as I sit here in the dark

the pressure painful steals my breath

I am floating in a nothingness

not aware of the time that passes

unable to scream, or move

frozen

It feels like an eternity,

little needles pricking my skin

no sense of anything but dark

my thoughts are mine

I'm completely aware

which makes this place a hell

Floating, floating, for eternity

only my thoughts and myself.

I curse her, I cry for him

or i would if i could shed tears

There are moments my heart randomly aches

and I cannot say why, and times i feel fear

floating floating all alone

alone alone in this dark dark death

Untitled

Through all the hurt, and all the pain
Is it possible to feel love again?
After all that has happened, the good and the bad
Can you forgive me? The sins that I've had?

Can I forgive you, this sins that are yours
the lies and deceit, the love and care
all twisted together in the game that you share

We lived and loved, together and separate
you hurt me and I hurt you worse,
can we ever get back to a place we once knew?

What is the true and what is the lie?
do i trust what you say? or my feelings inside
do your memories lie? or are mine lost in time?

for now we sit
for now we wait
and wait for fate
to deal her final play

Sleep

Sleep precious sleep
I watch you from the deep
caress you while you sleep
and burn you in your dreams

Comfortably curl, up in your bed
safe below your covers and let the sugarplum dreams begin
I twist your dreams to a dark reality
and wake you a million times while you sleep

I cut your back and bruise your arms,
if you think you can stop me go ahead and try
I will come back stronger and madder
and strike back with a vengance.

You are not safe, do not let yourself be fooled by false comforts
I lie in the shadows and feed on your misery
so dream precious dream, and let your dreams turn to dark reality
wake and scream and plead as you wish, you cannot escape, I cloud your mind with mist

The mist lifts as you wake, frightened and lonly
in your despair I draw a breath, feeding and draining you at once.
This is how my clan survives, and you will never be able to hide
Perhaps if you resolved all your greif you wouldn't be visited by a hellish nights sleep.

me or ME

Do you want me to be me or ME
the me you know is loving and kind,
supportive and comforting,
warm and soft, understanding and encouraging,
she watches what she says and how she acts,
and has a tight hold over her emotions and actions.

ME on the other hand is cruel and uncaring,
cold and hard, demonic and calculating,
she wants to rip people to shreds emotionally,
and stop on those who anger her, she has no control.

A battle wages on inside of everyone.
This battle wages on inside of me.
You call me an angel, but are you sure I am not a demon,
hiding and biding my time, like a spider in the web,
waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
ME has imagined playing with their emotions,
drawing them in and crushing them.
me would never let ME do those things,
for no one would ever show me love or compassion if
ME was let loose on the human race.

So be careful what you say when you tell me to be myself
there are two hiding within, battling and strugling
and one day the other will win.
I sit here, like an angel on a throne, loved by almost all
but I wish to dwell in darkness and mayhem.
me feeds ME with drama and despair, sometimes causing injury so ME can feed.
me feels like a broken mirror, cursed and ugly and tossed aside.
I am learning to cope with ME, but are you sure your ready?
You tell me you can take it all, but ME and me truly wonders if you could.
We both love you, unconditionally, but when ME takes over I pray your capacatiy to forgive
is all enduring.

Angel or Demon?

I once was angel, living in grace

Now I’m a demon, with an angels face

My heart, once so pure, has now turned to ice

Black, and cold, and it beats pure no more

I wish for none other, other than you

You who have turned me, into someone cruel

I no longer seem to care

And though I still cry, I don’t feel the scare

I know that I love you, that will never change

Can you still love, this demon you create?

I feel the old, fading away, I feel someone new

I know her name

Perhaps I’ve gone mad, but you know that’s ok

Perhaps I’ve gone crazy, I still live today

Keep me close to you forever, my feelings are just locking themselves away

I know a hurt is coming, so I choose this façade

Maybe I’m not a demon, maybe I’m an angel still

Perhaps I wish to twist my soul, and live in the light no more

Maybe I don’t know what’s going on, and that in itself is true

I will do whatever it takes, to make sure I never loose you

~

June 20, 2011

My hellfire and Brimstone

Apparently, you can see when I’m attracted to you

Don’t think that means you’re going to get far

Attraction is simply a passing part of life, but love can last forever

I may flirt, and I may flaunt

I am a free woman

I can do whatever I want

I will lure you in, and play with your mind

But my heart is locked away tight

You will never get in, you’re simply my fun

Enjoy it while you can, because tomorrow I may be gone

Dance with me, caress my skin, look deep into my eyes,

I enjoy this dance with fire, so please come a little closer

Let the flames consume us, as the ice settles in

You will not ever win

This is my world, I create the laws

You are my puppets, I have you in my claws

I may whimper, and I may moan

You think my heart may be yours to own

But it is taken, by someone unique

A demon of fire, a god from the deep

He lets me play, and have my fun

For he knows he has already won

I am his, body, spirit, and soul

His to torture, worship, and own

I do not wish to leave, this hell that is my life

Let the brimstone burn my flesh, let his pleasure caress

I am his, forever and a day, until he does so wish me away

You have been warned if you choose to play this game

That you cannot win, and you will be played

You may think I’m cruel, and maybe it’s true

Life is cruel, get use to my rules

Demons will play, while thier gods are away

While I toy with your feelings on earth

My heart lies in hell

And I wouldn’t trade places with you for all of the world

~

June 20, 2011